jesus fucking christ, how did this blog become so TOUCHY-FEELY and LAME? i'm over it. i want to bitch about THE STRND. bring it on!
okay, so we STRND employees get a lot of flack for having attitude problems, but you know what? you people deserve it! here's what you do that pisses us off the most. if you want us to hate you, then by all means do any of the following:
1. DECIDE YOU NO LONGER WANT TO BUY THE TEN BOOKS YOU PULLED OUT RANDOMLY FROM THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE STORE, TOSS THEM WHEREVER YOUR SICK LITTLE HEART DESIRES
okay. so you changed your mind, your credit card is maxed out, something came up, and/or for whatever reason you simply CAN'T buy your books and must leave them someplace NOW so you can peace out. that's just great! bonus points if you have left erotica books out. SUPER bonus points if i recognize that it was indeed YOU who left them because you made me wander around the store pulling the ten thousand titles that you no longer want that are now stacked on top of a prominent display table. good job!
2. MAKE ME HOLD YOUR HAND
look, have you even been to a bookstore before? because i don't know if you know this, but everything is arranged alphabetically by author! i know, i know: WHOA. mind? BLOWN. and if you are one of the surprisingly few people who grasp this concept and have tried to find what you are looking for sans assistance (and i commend you for doing so!) only to find that it's NOT THERE, then asking me to look for it probably won't change a thing. i am not a magician, people! which brings me to my next topic...
3. EXPECT ME TO WORK MIRACLES
if you have no idea what the book is called, who the author is, or what it's about, please don't ask me to read your mind and find this magical book that you just made up in your head. do you have any idea how much psychological damage your behavior inflicts upon me? do you know how confused and depressed and stressed out it makes me when i can't cater to your ridiculous demands? i know i shouldn't feel that way when i am faced with this kind of situation, but the fact that you are just standing there silently and STARING at me and not apologizing because you just really, truly, honestly don't know what you want and will just look it up on amazon when you get home... well, it bothers me. a lot. to say the least.
4. STAND IN AN INCONVENIENT PLACE
hi, i don't know if you know this, but i am trying to get by with an entire armload of excessively oversized taschen books that must be returned to the mezzanine! do you think you can stop looking at terryworld for just a moment so i can squeeze by? THANKS. oh yeah, you totally didn't see me. your peripheral vision is like, not good at all. you thought i was standing here for my health and not because i am WAITING for you to be courteous and GET OUT THE WAY. wonderful!
5. GET ANGRY
pleeeeease don't yell at me. pleeeeeease. believe me, the thing i did that pissed you off was brought to my attention by my manager, and he already yelled at me for it so you wouldn't have to! if that isn't great customer service, then i don't know what is.
WOW. thinking about this is almost as exhausting as putting up with it in real life. in truth, i do like my job, but as fun and hilarious as it is to work there, it is equally as infuriating and stressful. maybe i'll make this a regular feature on this blog. i have no doubt that i am leaving out weeks and weeks worth of material.
this friday will be my first black friday as a retail clerk in new york city. i feel special in a not-so-special way. i feel like THE STRND will be especially hilarious on that day. just don't make me greet. please lord, don't make me greet. but that is a topic for the next edition of HOW TO PISS OF A STRND EMPLOYEE.