Wednesday, December 7, 2011

big questions/too much information

why is it that whenever you buy a huge beer from a bodega, they always give you a straw? who drinks beer from a straw? can you get drunker from drinking beer out of a straw?

i am recovering from a sinus infection and i now have pink eye. i am officially a completely undesirable human being. thank god i have such a great personality.


Sunday, December 4, 2011


i can't believe i actually did it: i bought a christmas tree. i also bought lights, ornaments, ornament hooks, tinsel, and a tree stand. the tree is from greenpoint trees. it's a little four-footer that set me back twenty bucks. twenty bucks! and to think i was prepared to pay at least twice that for this thing. i couldn't stop smiling as i walked down manhattan avenue with the tree in my arms. to the passers-by, i am sure that i must have looked very cheeseball, like some happy-go lucky female character from a fifties christmas special. of course i felt excited about the holidays in that moment, but i think at least half of it stemmed from the fact that i'd just scored a great deal. 

i had to carry the tree back on the subway. a pair of stoned gentlemen told me, "nice tree!" i got sap all over my hands, but it was only mildly annoying. once i got the tree back to my apartment, i went around the corner to family dollar, where i purchased lights and a few ornaments, including tinsel. in my family, we never decorated our tree with tinsel because my parents always said that it was tacky. this is my first-ever christmas tree with tinsel, and it's because i'm alone this year, which means that i get to decorate however i want. it sucks when you don't have any ornaments and have to accumulate them, though. i miss the big box of ornaments at my parents' house. i hope that one day i'll have a big ornament box to show my family. maybe i'll still have these family dollar bulbs to show them:

they're not so bad, right?

though putting the tree together entailed a lot of running around and putting things together and a second trip to family dollar (i needed another strand of lights- "you just can't get enough of family dollar!" the clerk told me), it was definitely worth it. i'm having christmas on my own this year, and it won't just happen: i have to find the tree, i need to decorate it, i need to buy appropriate holiday liquor and drink it while decorating and listening to the charlie brown christmas soundtrack on repeat. and sure enough, i made it happen.


Wednesday, November 30, 2011

the moment

last night i went with james to shea stadium to see DIVE, which is partly comprised of two of my oldest and most favorite bros of all time. i am so proud of them. best new music, holla! when i learned that andrew and cole were in the same band i was excited because i've always loved watching and listening to them perform, and it always felt right to me that they should play together. please run, don't walk, to see them play live, which they do with some frequency here in b-town. i wish the best for them. their music is perfect for right now, when everything is cold and sad and wondrous. winter is almost here. the end of the year is so weird. everybody is celebrating and overindulging and having a good time and picking over every single detail of the last twelve months, endlessly contemplating what was good and what was bad, what you would do if you could go back and fix everything you fucked up, if you could bask in those moments that were more exquisite than you ever could have realized at the time. all of these things occur to you and you want to sit and look out the window and think about them, but then you need to buy a christmas tree, you need to buy christmas presents, you need to buy champagne. none of it makes any sense. tradition dictates that we do these things at this time, no matter how you are feeling and no matter what is going on. i suppose what i am trying to say is that though i love buying the christmas tree and the champagne and the presents, i also like to stare out the window and think about it all, about how we are all supposed to tie the year up into this loud, garish, dizzying knot that is the holidays, and how we are supposed to wake up on january first feeling new, like everything was just a dream and that things will be different. things will be different. you will think, you will look out the window, you will listen to music that will help you think while you look out the window. in addition to the new tom waits and zola jesus albums, i will be adding dive's 7" into my rotation as well. i need more winter music. this is one of the best times to listen to music.

now, if you'll excuse me, i need to settle in and make progress in the paperback version of FREEDOM A NOVEL BY JONATHAN FRANZEN AUTHOR OF THE CORRECTIONS.


Friday, October 7, 2011

that's life

last night i heard my neighbor having loud, fake, depressing sex at an hour that some may consider to be unreasonable. now i am getting revenge by playing my favorite song of the day on full blast and on repeat.


Thursday, October 6, 2011

a sequence of events

every thursday night john asks me to watch the kids desk and i oblige because it's fun and you can do whatever you want. there are very few customers and absolutely no supervision at that time of night. when he asks me, i take a seat behind the desk. he leaves and goes around the corner to pie while i check facebook, do some online shopping, and peruse the "rants and raves" section of craigslist. when john comes back he says his break was very exciting because detroit scored two home runs against the yankees in under fifteen minutes. after john is back i take my fifteen and i go see patrick, who is unpacking boxes of used paperbacks in the basement. we talk about steve jobs for under a minute. i ask him in a joking way if he's sad that he's dead and he says that it's always sad when somebody dies.

after work we go to get beer and the yankees game is on. they are doing poorly and it feels good. two finicky ladies who argue over the bill sit next to us. people who could have been customers are turned away because it's almost eleven which means that the place is about to close. we ride the train, we say goodbye, and by the time i get into my house the yankees have lost. my computer told me so.


Monday, September 26, 2011

working at a bookstore

work, read, drink
work, read, drink
work, read, drink
work, read, drink
work, read, drink
read, drink
read, drink
and it goes on.


Sunday, September 25, 2011

this is my favorite movie

cute skater dudes + bomb soundtrack + turnstile-jumping + forties + BROADWAY JUNCTION (what up) + 1-800-COP-SHOT + shitting on the MTA in general = most excellent. i have been thinking about this video a lot because i've been utilizing broadway junction quite a bit lately. it saved my ass during the shuttle bus debacle (and most likely in future shuttle bus debacles), it can take you to the beach or the shittier parts of bushwick where your friends live, there is always a dude selling churros, AND you get to ride that huge badass escalator that makes you feel like it's taking you to heaven and hell at the same time. out of all the subway stations i've visited, broadway junction is always the most entertaining. it's a JUNCTION, which means that everybody is busy; if you are hungry you may buy yourself a stale, sugary treat; and there are stained glass windows to look at and to look out of while you space out as you go up or down those many stairs. it is far out and thus it seems dangerous, but then again there are people on their way to the beach so it must not be that bad. i like it there. i like it when i need to go there to get going.


Saturday, September 24, 2011


left my phone off at work and didn't check a single social networking site all day. a girl asked me for the exhibition catalogue for talk to me, which is now at the MoMA. it made me think of how my phone was off and how i hate facebook right now. these things keep talking to me and i keep talking to them and they pass the word along, and though it's convenient and nice it can also be dreadful, as it is with everything i suppose. sometimes i feel like having a phone is like dragging a ball and chain. leave me alone, stop talking to me! only please, please talk to me. it hurts when you tell me nobody has called.


Thursday, September 8, 2011

the makings of a terrible weekend

no L train and the same old shit. i'm angry and need to be sedated. tea won't do it and neither will beer.  i'm overreacting, but it's terrible to feel this way, just like when i was young and trapped inside on a saturday night when all i wanted to do was go to the movies. i knew that if i just tried to move on and think about something else and read a book or work on some writing or artwork then i would forget all about it, but a lot of the time i would just lie on my bed and fume for hours. eventually i would pick up a magazine, and then some scissors, and then i would make little surrealist collages because it was fun and we were learning about surrealism in art class. i cut out pictures of girls and put them on top of waves, inside of flowers, and other places where you wouldn't ever think to look for girls. 


Monday, September 5, 2011

dreams are boring

last night i had some ambitious reading plans, and to be sure i had already accomplished a lot during the day. despite gulping down three cups of tea, i sunk down into my bed and my eyes began to feel heavy. i decided to put my book down and take a power nap even though it was almost one in the morning. i set the alarm for a half hour later, then another half hour later, and then i gave up and fell asleep. i had a really awful dream. i dreamt that my head and my foot were both injured at work and that they would never be quite right again. i woke up at the sound of andrea coming home, and instead of getting up to brush my teeth and change over my laundry i turned out the light and fell asleep again. it doesn't sound terrifying now, but at the time i was so upset that i couldn't bring myself to finish the things one is supposed to do before retiring. i had another bad dream after that. i was being pursued by the undead and decided to flee by horseback. i am assuming that this scenario arose due to the fact that i had been thinking about horseback riding earlier in the day. i was thinking about whether or not i'd still be able to remember how to saddle a horse after so many years of not riding. well, in my dream i didn't remember, and i was pulling out all of these leather straps that i didn't know what to do with. just before i woke up i think i was contemplating riding away at full speed without a saddle.

writing about dreams isn't interesting because nobody really cares to read about what anybody else dreams. self indulgence! oh well, it is labor day and i am feeling lazy. at least i am actually cooking something? egg salad: i hope i don't fuck it up.


Sunday, September 4, 2011


totally done with summer. terrible work week. am about to get into the shower and then tramp around all over town.

i don't know how to write anymore. these half-sentences will do for now. i'm in the mood for a sulk.


Monday, August 15, 2011

this bitch

the one above is good, but this is the best:


Sunday, August 14, 2011

say whaaaaaat


but seriously: a year is a very annoying amount of time. it isn't a very long time when all is said and done. it can feel long, but only if you are counting down the days until it ends. otherwise they just slip by and nobody notices until the year is almost over. to reflect on a year can feel a bit topical, but i do think it's necessary at times. when i came back here i don't think i had any conception of time, of what might happen, or of the possibility that a year would go by. well, now a year has passed and it feels like the fastest year of my life. if i could pick the cliche that best suits this scenario, i would say that "it's all been such a blur." 

things feel as though they might be settling down a little. i like to think of the past year being akin to juggling many things: sharp objects, oblong pillows, liquids, morsels of food. this year will be like unfolding a nice, thick piece of watercolor paper and spreading it flat with shopworn hands. i think i will go work on a collage now.

tonight is movie night at KGB. they are screening beverly hills cop as per chris's request as it is his day of birth. i love it here. there is always something to do and there is always somebody to see.

in other news, andrea has caused me to become hooked on purple rain and this song is my jam (even though it's "take me with U" as opposed to "take me with YOU"- dumbass):

aaaah! i am sweet on somebody and i can't listen to anything else. i may delete this last part of this post at some point in the future.



Sunday, August 7, 2011

the 'hood

i like this song because it reminds me of wilson avenue which is on a cul de sac. i think this will be my new theme song for getting on and off the train.

i love it here. i want to stay in this apartment for as long as i can.


Thursday, August 4, 2011

one more thing

last summer i really wanted to buy revlon nail polish in the shade of "gray suede." that color was so hot at the moment. i was in the middle of nowhere. i couldn't drive. i still can't, but that's beside the point. i made dustin drive me to all the drugstores on paseo del pueblo to find it. i felt like a fool, but i needed it so badly for some reason. dustin left in the middle of july. when i went with my mom to wal-mart a few weeks later, i finally found gray suede. it looked good, but there was nobody around to tell me so.


haunted house

i just checked my old sarah lawrence email account. it's all junk mail. nobody is trying to reach me at that address, just as i knew it would be. i still receive emails from the barack obama (via the updates i signed up for during the 2008 election), the office of career counseling, and ralph's grocery store in los angeles, california. all of these inconsequential notes are like tiny little ghosts. together they make a shrine for the life i left behind when i set up my new email account. it sounds stupid. but i'm gone from that place, i'm in the world, and is dead. it's like a grave. the junk mail constitutes the flowers.


Sunday, July 24, 2011

going to a rock show

put on your tough clothes.


Sunday, July 10, 2011

it's perfecto

today i am venturing out to IKEA in redhook. i will have to take the water taxi, and i am excited to be on a boat! yesterday i went to see the mcqueen show at the met, and the day before was ladies' taco night with andrea, ariel and megan. after tacos we met the boys at mission delores and i was home by three, at which point i devoured the rest of the refried beans like some kind of crazed starving animal. work was relatively painless thanks to copious amounts of coffee and vitamin b. apparently vitamin b is very good for hangovers? anyway, tonight is movie night at KGB and tomorrow i am assembling a bookshelf. i go through periods where my life is very balanced and periods where i let it all fall apart again. this feels nice. i hope i can make it stay.


Tuesday, June 21, 2011

it was a regulah day

sitting in a landlord's office is so weird. none of the furniture ever matches. there are always bizarre secretaries who are either too dolled up or not enough, and there's always some weird little yammering man in the next room. he's the landlord, of course. you have to sign some shit and it's all nerve-wracking because it feels like you're signing your life away, as andrea put it. getting out of there is always such a relief! 

work was work. lots of re-stickering. very tedious and asinine. not feeling the book-selling spirit. after we closed i slipped off the L at morgan for a secret incognito drink. i exited at harrison and walked to the narrows. there weren't a lot of people around which always makes me nervous, but it felt good because i wanted to be alone.  i wrote a little, then i rolled a cigarette and jammed out of there.

it keeps getting hotter outside.


Sunday, June 12, 2011

super bass

is it like, puerto rican independence day or something? everybody on my block is going psycho. booty bass, ice cream trucks, kids screamin', drunken fools drinkin', and horns beepin'. too fucking loud! i feel lame for thinking this, but oh well. too much noise, too much weekend! i need to buy a tension rod so i can draw the drapes.

EDIT: a simple google search has revealed that it is actually puerto rican pride day. COOL.


Sunday, May 1, 2011

feminine arts

this weekend i cleaned my house, purchased housewares and groceries, shopped for some dresses, and i am now about to do my nails. sometimes it feels really good to be a total fifties housewife cliche. it can be a very low-key and introspective experience. i need to be more domestic. i want to buy an interior design book. 


Thursday, April 28, 2011


i really need to find a boyfriend/dude to sleep with/WHATEVER who has an air conditioned room by the time it gets hot outside. i'm already dying. i can't take this, guys. i need A/C!


Wednesday, April 6, 2011

the best song ever

fourloko actually looks pretty fly in a champagne glass.


Wednesday, February 9, 2011

the greatest

i am so over this cold weather. i am over the snow storms and the piles of snow/garbage/snow/garbage that line the streets. there is nothing more depressing to look at than old piles of snow. yuck! what the hell, sanitation?! this city feels really fucked right now. not 1970s/80s fucked, mind you, but i feel like we're in a bit of a dip (duh). however, that does not mean that i don't have things to look forward to. i am so excited for the warm weather! after a brutal winter, how amazing would it be to have an early, instantly-balmy spring? i am dreaming about this time like mad. these are the things i'm looking forward to the most:


i am already fantasizing about my spring wardrobe. i'm only going to wear tank tops from actual pain, cigarette jeans, and low tops. also i really think a tattoo may be in the cards. 


getting a fucking bike. it is long overdue! by the end of summer i want to be fit enough to bike all the way to downtown manhattan and back. i need a new backpack. i am excited to begin my new life as a weekend warrior!


winning the war. forgetting about the winter. feeling the sun on my skin on our roof deck. making burgers on the grill. coming downstairs to take the laundry out while the breeze pushes through the windows. hearing the leaves shake, all plump and green. believing that it will never get cold again. feeling beautiful and young. being in brooklyn.


Wednesday, January 12, 2011

"i just realized: i can chill the fuck out!"

DEAR ART FLOOR MANAGERS (except richard):